Tech Jokes.

Q.
How can you tell your computer keyboard is working too hard?

A. 'Cause it has two shifts!

Q.
Why was the angry guy's computer keyboard missing a key?

A. 'Cause he lost ctrl!

Tech
Byte of the Day: Old computer programmers never die. They
just branch to a new address.

Q.
Do computers enjoy low tech jokes?

A. No, not one bit.

Q. Why do Java developers wear glasses?

A. Because they can't C.

Q.
How do techies catch a runaway laptop?

A. They use the Internet!

Q.
What was the hipster doing at the computer?

A. Looking in the recycle bin for something retro.

Q.
Why was the computer geek disappointed at the zoo?

A. He couldn't find any RAM!

Q.
Why was it so easy for the tight tech nerd to get a job
at the zoo as a computer scientist?

A. Because he was fluent in Python.

Q.
Why did the blonde kick her computer?

A. She was trying to boot it up.

Tech
Support Bite of the Day: If you need pictures of cheese
for your laptop, I've got enough to Phil-a-Dell-phia.

Q.
Why was the computer so tired when it got home from work?

A. It had a hard drive.

Q.
What did the computer motherboard say to the new software?

A. I'll show you who's DOS!

Q.
What is your computer's favorite beat?

A. An Algorithm.

Hi
Tech Pick-Up Line for bikers,
computer geeks, and lounge lizards alike: Is your name
WiFi? 'Cause I'm feeling a connection.

Q.
What do you get if you cross a computer and a lifeguard?

A. A screensaver!

Q.
How are blind dates and bluetooth devices alike?

A. They're supposed to pair up and connect, but it seldom
happens.

Q.
What did the turkey say to the computer?

A. Google Google Google!

Quick
High Tech Factoid: Computers make very fast, very accurate
mistakes.

Q.
Why did the blonde put several fruity beverages on top of
her laptop at night?

A. 'Cause she was up on top of cider security!

Q.
Why couldn't the laptop take its hat off?

A. 'Cause its caplock was on!

The
first Apple computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.
Just one byte, and everything crashed!

Q.
Where did those infamous computer hackers go?

A. Dunno, they ransomware!

Q.
Who chases computer criminals?

A. A hacker tracker.

Q.
What's the difference between the TV chef's favorite dish
and a slow computer?

A. One is a Rack of Lam, and the other is a Lack of RAM.

Q.
What do you call a picture of Jesus that pops up on your
computer when you're idle?

A. A Screen Savior!

Q.
Why did the software developer go broke?

A. Because he used up all his cache.

Q.
Why was the guy fired from the keyboard factory?

A. He wasn't putting in enough shifts!

Genius
Bar Pick-Up Line: Hey hottie,
I like my women just like my laptop – on my lap, turned
on, and virus free.

Q.
What do you call a laptop that ejaculates metal?

A. A Com-Pewter.

Q.
What does Luke Skywalker do when his Windows laptop freezes
up?

A. Force Quit.

Q.
What does your work computer do during lunch hour?

A. It has a few bytes.

There
are only 2 hard things in computer science: cache invalidation,
naming things, and off-by-one errors.

Q.
What did the proud computer programmer say about his newborn
son?

A. He's a chip off the old block!

There
are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand
binary, and those who don't.

Q.
Which language is used in Star Wars to program droids?

A. JawaScript.

Q.
Why did the spy steal that laptop?

A. Because it had a sticker that said, "Intel Inside!"

Q.
What is the fastest network in the Alpha Quandrant?

A. The Romu-LAN.

An
SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house,
Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol.

Q.
Why did the guy's computer just crash?

A. Due to a bad driver.

Q.
Why do doctors all use Windows computers?

A. 'Cause an Apple a day keeps the doctor away!

Q.
Where do all the cool mice live?

A. In their mousepads!

Blonde
Computer Bugs: It says, "Press Any Key to Start."
Where is the Any Key?

If
you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for
a day. If you teach them how to program, you frustrate them
for a lifetime.

Q.
What does the term E-sharp mean to a computer an
electronics guru?

A. Tech savvy.

Tech
Studies Point to Ponder: If great students get A+ on their
computer exam, do genius students get a C++?

Q.
Which programming language do hungry Star Wars programmers
use?

A. JabbaScript.

Q.
How do old hackers die?

A. They just go to bits, we hope!

Q.
Why did the smartphone go in to see the doctor?

A. Its battery was dying.

Q.
Which computers do eye doctors prefer for their kids and
grandkids?

A. eyeMacs.

Q.
How did the old hacker die?

A. In a phishing accident.

Q.
How did another old hacker die?

A. He caught a virus while on a phishing trip. Nobody went
to his funeral.

Q.
What is the tech term for a wormy computer download that's
full of bugs?

A. Bad applet.

Q.
Why did the computer break up with the Internet?

A. There was no connection.

Q.
How did the laptop get drunk?

A. It took too many screen shots!

Q.
How can you tell a good programmer from a hack?

A. The good ones come through when the chips are down!

Q.
Why did the computer go to the dentist?

A. It had Bluetooth!

Q.
Why did the laptop computer go in to see the doctor?

A. It came down with a virus.

Q.
What is an ophthalmologist's favorite tablet?

A. eyePad.

Bane
of programmers! Bugs come in through open Windows.

Q.
What's the difference between Linux and a virus?

A. A computer virus does something.

Q.
Why did the desktop computer go to the doctor?

A. It thought it had a terminal illness.

Q.
What do you call the guy who sorts out all the confusing
info gathered on high-tech recon missions?

A. An intel processor.

Q.
What do computers snack on when they get hungry?

A. Chips.

Salesman:
This computer will cut your work load by 50%.

Customer: Great, I'll take two!

Precinct
404 Groan of the Day: All the toilet seats at police
headquarters went missing. Investigators have nothing
to go on... Tech guys in IT are looking into it further.

Q.
Which way did the rogue computer programmer go?

A. He went data way ---->